Review: 'Girls Just Wanna Have Blood'

Amanda Renee in GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD courtesy of Wildeye Releasing

By: Michelle O'Brien

As a society, sometimes we seem to forget that vampires come in all walks of life. More often than not, they are alluring, wealthy, and have no problems other than their blood lust. But, I can assure you that the vampires in GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD are unlike any we have experienced before.

At its introduction, I had to close my door, and turn the volume down a notch, as I mistakenly thought I had turned on an erotic film. Most of the scenes are cringeworthy instead of the usual sexy vampire trope. It was a treat to see April (Penny Praline), a sexy, plus-size and sexually confident vampire work her charms alongside Trish (Destyne Marshai) the provocative leader of the den.

Stacy (Gigi Gustin), the “love and light” and “let’s make the best of every situation” cutie-pie is the last member of this trio of teenage vamps. Each girl has a story about her life before she became undead, as well as colorful memories of how she used to live in a castle. Of course, they are also questioning how they ended up preying on junkies within the confines of crackhouses.

Destyne Marshai, Gigi Gustin, & Penny Praline in GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD courtesy of Wildeye Releasing

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD is set in Trenton, New Jersey, a poe-dunk town, littered with trailer parks and biker bars. The film’s protagonist, Jessica (Amanda Renee) struggles with the typical teen issues, in addition to her particularly difficult life. Her mother “works” constantly on bringing home small amounts of cash, while Jessica deals with her infant brother.

It doesn't help matters that at school, she is the main subject of ridicule from her “Kardashian-worshipping” bullies. Sad, depressed, and utterly alone, Jessica crosses paths with the trio of vamps. They befriend Jessica, and give her the chance to live forever. Reluctant to become a “poser that shops at Hot Topic and listens to Bauhaus,” Jessica gives her consent to “change.”

Things get bloody as Jessica embraces her new undead circumstances, and, for the first time in her life, she has friends, confidence, and, power. That is, until the local biker gang starts. Trish, April, Stacy, and Jessica take on enemies new and old. Viewers are also treated to a familiar literary name, though he's not quite like the original, Boris Van Helsing (Craig Kelly).

Gigi Gustin in GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD courtesy of Wildeye Releasing

The dialogue and quirky characters in GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD will keep you in stitches. This film is a total blast if you love cheesy and sleazy horror films, like I do. There is no lack of vengeance against greasy, perverted Dads, mean girls and voyeuristic neighbors.

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD is reminiscent of vampire classics like Interview with A Vampire, The Lost Boys, and, oddly enough, The Craft and Carrie. There is no lack of raunchy fun and debauchery in GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE BLOOD, and no matter how you perceive the bloodsucking girls, just remember: “Being a teenager sucks!”